Beyond Decisions June 27,2010
Let's examine a habit that most of us have, that we could change, but don't take the trouble to do so. One might say it's about decision making but more than that.
I'm talking about the faulty way by which we communicate. Here's a familiar example.
HE: Let's go out for dinner tonight.
SHE: We went out last night.
HE: So what?
SHE: We've already gone over our food budget for the month.
HE: But you don't like cooking.
SHE: But you always complain about my cooking anyway.
HE: Then why don't you learn to cook so I'll enjoy your cooking.
SHE: How do think that makes me feel?
HE: No worse than I do.
SHE: You're always complaining.
HE: And how about you?
SHE: I never get any appreciation from you.
Let's stop here before this dialogue gets more hideous and mutually destructive. Note how an apparently innocent suggestion reflects a deeper issue that characterizes, in part, the dysfunctional nature of this couple's relationship.
How about this example?
HE: Let's go out for dinner tonight.
SHE: I'd love to but the budget we worked on together will put us into a hole this month.
HE: It's really frustrating.
SHE: You bet it is! But I have suggestion and I'd like your opinion.
HE: I'm all ears.
SHE: You'll agree that the major reason we eat out so much anyway is that you you don't like my cooking and can't tolerate frozen dinners(nor can I, as you know)
HE: And that makes me feel guilty as hell.
SHE: But what if we prepared a dish together, say two or three times a week? Then we obviously can't blame one another.
HE: We have nothing to lose by trying.
SHE: But what about tonight?
HE: Can we afford a takeout pizza?
Let's examine a habit that most of us have, that we could change, but don't take the trouble to do so. One might say it's about decision making but more than that.
I'm talking about the faulty way by which we communicate. Here's a familiar example.
HE: Let's go out for dinner tonight.
SHE: We went out last night.
HE: So what?
SHE: We've already gone over our food budget for the month.
HE: But you don't like cooking.
SHE: But you always complain about my cooking anyway.
HE: Then why don't you learn to cook so I'll enjoy your cooking.
SHE: How do think that makes me feel?
HE: No worse than I do.
SHE: You're always complaining.
HE: And how about you?
SHE: I never get any appreciation from you.
Let's stop here before this dialogue gets more hideous and mutually destructive. Note how an apparently innocent suggestion reflects a deeper issue that characterizes, in part, the dysfunctional nature of this couple's relationship.
How about this example?
HE: Let's go out for dinner tonight.
SHE: I'd love to but the budget we worked on together will put us into a hole this month.
HE: It's really frustrating.
SHE: You bet it is! But I have suggestion and I'd like your opinion.
HE: I'm all ears.
SHE: You'll agree that the major reason we eat out so much anyway is that you you don't like my cooking and can't tolerate frozen dinners(nor can I, as you know)
HE: And that makes me feel guilty as hell.
SHE: But what if we prepared a dish together, say two or three times a week? Then we obviously can't blame one another.
HE: We have nothing to lose by trying.
SHE: But what about tonight?
HE: Can we afford a takeout pizza?
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