"CONTROL YOURSELF"
How often have you heard that admonition above from parents, relatives, brothers and sisters, friends, teachers, and on and on, infinitum? The title above is generally used to change your behavior in order to satisfy the critic warning you.
Now who's doing the controlling?
If you've read my book "Overcoming Indecision" you very likely came across my chapter on "Control". In several of my couples "Decision" groups, one of the common themes' in marital discord, were issues beyond "who wears the pants". Below are several examples of 'control' conflicts that couples frequently struggle with.
1. Since you're not working, why can't you keep the house clean like Linda next door?
2. We always go to the restaurant you like!
3. Must you watch every game?
4. Why must I always ask you about having sex?
5. Before I married you, I had orgasms with other men all the time!
6. You're getting fat!
7. We always do it your way (and it follows) That's because you're always screwing things up!
8. My brother will live with us until he can afford an apartment.
9. Since you're not so swift paying the bills, I'll take over the payrnent of the bills.
10. I'm sick and tired of you "controlling" me!
How often have you heard that admonition above from parents, relatives, brothers and sisters, friends, teachers, and on and on, infinitum? The title above is generally used to change your behavior in order to satisfy the critic warning you.
Now who's doing the controlling?
If you've read my book "Overcoming Indecision" you very likely came across my chapter on "Control". In several of my couples "Decision" groups, one of the common themes' in marital discord, were issues beyond "who wears the pants". Below are several examples of 'control' conflicts that couples frequently struggle with.
1. Since you're not working, why can't you keep the house clean like Linda next door?
2. We always go to the restaurant you like!
3. Must you watch every game?
4. Why must I always ask you about having sex?
5. Before I married you, I had orgasms with other men all the time!
6. You're getting fat!
7. We always do it your way (and it follows) That's because you're always screwing things up!
8. My brother will live with us until he can afford an apartment.
9. Since you're not so swift paying the bills, I'll take over the payrnent of the bills.
10. I'm sick and tired of you "controlling" me!
11. You're spending too much money on your hair.
12. I'll handle the money,
13. We can't spend money on a baby sitter.
14. You're not driving the new car.
15. I'm getting a new laptop. You can wait.
While there are no easy solutions to the conflicts I've seen arise in my groups, what has been most helpful for the participating individuals, has been their recognition and growing awareness of the responsibility that each shares in creating and maintaining what I would describe as "grownup childish behavior".
Why not join me in Sacramento, for my next couples workshop and discover new positive solutions to self-defeating behaviors?
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